Have you ever met someone and felt like they were perfect for you—only to realize later that they weren’t at all what you thought?

Or maybe the opposite happened. You overlooked someone, thinking they weren’t a great fit, but over time, they turned out to be exactly the kind of person you needed in your life.

This happens more often than we realize.

In today’s world, many of us struggle with discernment—the ability to truly see and understand people beyond first impressions, beyond words, and beyond our own subconscious patterns. And as we shift toward more digital interactions, that struggle is only growing.

Why We’re Losing the Ability to Discern People

Discernment—the ability to accurately understand who someone really is and how they fit into our lives—is a skill. And like any skill, it requires practice and experience.

The problem? Many of us aren’t getting enough real-life experience with people anymore.

Instead, we:

• Get to know people through text messages instead of shared real-world experiences.
• Rely on social media to form opinions instead of seeing how someone acts in different situations.
• Analyze behaviors using AI (like ChatGPT) without recognizing that AI only reflects our own biases back to us.
• Even when we see people in person, it’s often occasional meetups, with most interactions happening through text in between.

This means we’re making judgments based on limited information—information that is often curated, incomplete, or distorted by our own past experiences.

1. The Hybrid Problem: Thinking We Know Someone, But Really Don’t

Many of us assume we’re getting to know others in real life, but in reality, our connections are mostly digital with the occasional in-person meetup.

This hybrid dynamic—where we interact mostly through text but occasionally see each other in person—creates a false sense of knowing someone.

Why? Because planned meetups don’t reveal the full reality of who someone is.

• When we see people only in controlled environments (like social outings, events, or scheduled meetups), we see them in a specific context, but not in the everyday reality of their life.
• We don’t get to observe how they act when they’re relaxed, unfiltered, or handling normal life tasks like running errands, managing stress, or interacting with others in their circle.
• We end up filling in the gaps with assumptions, imagining we know them based on limited interactions, rather than full experiences.

In hunter-gatherer societies, people lived in tribes where we knew each other deeply—not just through conversations, but through daily exposure to each other’s patterns, instincts, and behaviors in all aspects of life.

Today, we don’t have that kind of continuous, real-world connection.

We might spend time with someone, then go weeks or months only interacting through texts.

And that distance creates gaps in understanding, making it easier to idealize, misjudge, or misunderstand people.

2. Sensitive Creatives Are Often Misunderstood—From Both Sides

Many of us crave deep, consistent connection—which is a natural human need.

But in a culture that favors independence, avoids emotional depth, and values busyness over relationships, this can be misunderstood.

• If we express a need for more connection, we might be seen as clingy rather than simply valuing relationships.
• If we reach out more often, we might be labeled needy instead of being recognized as someone who simply enjoys connection.
• If we seek reassurance, we may be dismissed as insecure instead of being met with understanding.

But this isn’t about “over-pursuing connection.”

Many of us believe we are “too much” simply because we live in a society that does not provide enough consistent, fulfilling real-life relationships.

Online interactions, where we only connect occasionally and through text, amplify feelings of insecurity and disconnection.

• If we aren’t around people regularly, we begin to feel anxious about our relationships.
• If we don’t receive natural validation through body language, energy, and presence, we start over-analyzing digital interactions and doubting ourselves.

We don’t seek too much connection—we simply aren’t getting enough of it in a meaningful way.

At the same time, many of us withdraw completely, assuming people are too draining to be around.

• Some of us become hyper-independent, believing that closeness will always lead to disappointment.
• Some of us detach emotionally, fearing rejection and assuming it’s safer to go through life alone.
• Others pour our energy into creativity, work, or personal growth—but still feel like something is missing.

Neither extreme—**seeking connection but feeling insecure about it, or avoiding connection to self-protect—**leads to real fulfillment.

What we truly need is consistent, emotionally nourishing, in-person relationships.

3. When Feelings Can’t Be Trusted: Attachment Styles & Perception Bias

Many of us assume that if we feel uneasy around someone, it must be a sign that the person is unsafe or bad for us.

But that’s not always true.

Feelings aren’t always rooted in reality—sometimes, they’re shaped by our past experiences, fears, and emotional wounds.

Psychologists note that attachment styles play a huge role in how we perceive relationships.

• Anxious attachment can cause us to seek constant reassurance or assume the worst if we don’t receive immediate validation.
• Avoidant attachment can make us distrust connection altogether, assuming closeness will lead to loss of freedom or emotional overwhelm.

Both styles can distort how we see others—leading us to either cling to the wrong people or push away the right ones.

4. The Healing Power of Regular In-Person Connection

One of the biggest things we’ve forgotten is how healing it is to be around people who bring out the best in us.

When we experience people only occasionally or digitally, we miss out on:

👉 Emotional Regulation – Being around emotionally intelligent people naturally calms our nervous system.

👉 Seeing the Full Picture – The more time we spend with someone in different situations, the more we understand who they truly are.

👉 Resilience & Growth – Facing minor conflicts and misunderstandings helps us build emotional strength instead of assuming relationships should be effortless.

Many of us get stuck in cycles of self-help, believing that we need to “fix” ourselves before we can be happy.

But in reality, self-help doesn’t replace human connection.

We are biologically wired for connection.

Even the most independent among us needs to feel emotionally safe with others.

5. How We Can Strengthen Our Discernment

✅ Spend real time with people. See how they move through everyday life, not just how they act when the moment is intentional.

✅ Notice our own patterns. Are we feeling anxious about connection because we lack enough of it?

✅ Pay attention to patterns, not just words. People can say all the right things, but their actions over time will always tell the real story.

Because when we learn to see people clearly, we naturally attract the relationships that align with us.

Want to Build Deeper, More Aligned Relationships?

If you’re struggling to trust your discernment in relationships, I’d love to support you.

🎧 Download my free guided meditation—created to help sensitive creatives reconnect with their intuition and gain clarity.

💫 Join my 6-month program, where we explore how to build deep, meaningful relationships that truly align with who you are.

Click [here] to get your free meditation and start your journey today.

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